anthromorphic fish

fish out of water.
wearing tap shoes.

Jul 21
“I want to find what we have had in someone else.
You were perfect.
It worked so well.
Till lately.
With the end in sight.
Such a strange way.
It doesn’t bother me approaching it.
Save for that you are distancing, and breaking my heart.
But the idea that we have a month doesn’t phase me at all.
I just didn’t want much of anything to change.
Just see you the night before you left hold you. Kiss you. Nuzzle.
And then know that you’re gone from me the next day.
Should you want to call or text me bye.
That could be nice.
But not needed.”

“You make me feel worthless these days.
I get what’s left.
And I’m last to know.
I’m am at the bottom.
Fallen so far.
And yes.
You don’t care about me.
And I’m sorry for that.
But coming to grips with it.”

“I miss you.
I miss us.
I am dying.”

Jul 20
“if you guys were watching tv on the couch or whatever
i wouldn’t care, or least barely care
but it’s the fact i know you’re laying on the bed watching tv when you fall asleep
her bed.
you sleeping.
her sleeping.
not okay.”

“Can we have one more day, just nice and loving before this dissipates?”

“Those closest to us help dictate how we perceive ourselves.
It’s a sad fact.
So don’t surround yourself with assholes.”

“You can’t put yourself in a person.
You won’t fit.
But I’ll be damned if we don’t try.”

“Im glad you don’t read this anymore.”

“I will be so broken I don’t know if I could find all the pieces if I tried.
Everything you’ve built up.
You’re pulling down.
And throwing it.
And kicking.
And yelling.
And my home is nothing but an empty wasteland.
I can’t find a single trace of you.
Hair
Smell
Clothes
You’re erasing you.
And destroying me.
It’s a silent shockwave.
With a devastating sonic boom behind it.”

Someone anyone.
Fuck me.
Tell me you love me.
That I’m pretty.
You like the way my hair falls.
That you’re annoyed with me about x.
That you think my jokes are horrible but it’s okay because my laughter makes up for it.
Touch me.
Down my back.
Walk up behind me and wrap your arms around me.
Kiss me on my shoulders as you pass.
Give me a hug of your own free will
Go down on me.
Stare me down as we move.
Hair tangled.
Smile.
Touch my face.
Because you wanted to.
Something.
Anything.
Please god.
I am dying.
Again.
So soon after a year of starving and being taught that I’m ugly
And no one loves me
Especially not you
And I’m a horrible person
And you’d rather spend hours sleeping or driving then sit with me for an hour and watch tv.
And never sex. You can’t stand to look at me.

It’s starting all over again.


Jul 19
“These stretch marks on my body
Are the scars of my failures
My love lost
And confidence trashed
The push and pull of my skin
as things got larger and then small again.
I will carry them as memories
And I will cry over them
For they deserve more than you think”

“If you don’t want to be around me
If you don’t find me attractive anymore
If you don’t like me as a person
If you don’t love me
Then just say so.
Don’t do this to me.
It’s the exact same shit.
Just a different person.”

“I honestly don’t know what to think anymore”

“You once told me that you would never tire of my touch
That I would grow sick of you before that ever occurred.”

“I don’t think you’re aware of how your spending your time.
And that’s fine.
But
I just want to say
I miss you.
And I will miss you.”

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